WHITE NOISE INSANITY

Uh huh. That’s what he said today:

I want to announce a series of preliminary actions to help address the epidemic of aviation delays:

First, the military will make available some of its airspace over the East Coast for use by civilian airliners this Thanksgiving. These new routes will help relieve air congestion from Maine to Florida for nearly five full days surrounding the holiday.

Second, the FAA is taking new measures to head off delays. Bobby Sturgell will impose a holiday moratorium on all non-essential projects, so that the FAA can focus its personnel and equipment exclusively on keeping flights on time. The FAA is also partnering with the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey to reduce bottlenecks in the New York metro area, which is the source of most chronic delays.

Third, the Department of Transportation and the FAA are encouraging airlines to take their own measures to prevent delays. I’m pleased to get the report from Secretary Peters and Acting Administrator Sturgell. Airlines have agreed to make more staff available to expedite check-in and boarding, to set aside extra seats and even extra planes, to help accommodate passengers affected by cancellations and delays. They agreed to bring in additional ticket kiosks and baggage handling gear, as well as rolling staircases.

Fourth, the federal government is using the Internet to provide real-time updates on flight delays. People in America have got to know there’s a website called Fly.FAA.Gov; that’s where the FAA transmits information on airport backups directly to passengers and their families. If you’re interested in making sure that your plans can — aren’t going to be disrupted, you can get on the website of Fly.FAA.Gov. As well, if you want to, you can sign up to receive delay notices on your mobile phones. In other words, part of making sure people are not inconvenienced is there to be — get transmission of sound, real-time information.

Fifth, we’re proposing new regulations to help ensure that airline passengers are treated fairly. We’re proposing to double the amount of compensation passengers receive when they’re forced off over-booked flights. For example, a passenger forced to wait more than two hours for another flight would receive a minimum of $800 under our idea — instead of the current $400. We want people who are responsible for moving passengers to understand that there will be consequences for these delays — all aiming to get the system to work better.

I wonder if this vacation aviation epidemic is of biblical proportions to ole Georgie? I bet it is! Hey, when you’re The Decider for the “haves” and the “have mores”, well, you kick yourself into action real fast when you know these Americans might be delayed during the holidays! Nothing will get in this man’s way! Nothing!

Here’s what is NOT considered an epidemic and never needs swift and prompt attention by The Decider:

1. Black Americans and others drowning in their attics in New Orleans after their city was flooded by water
2. Healthcare for America’s poor children
3. Electricity, clean water, and available food for Iraqis
4. Peace on Earth
5. Protecting Americans from the government illegally spying on them
6. Habeas corpus
7. The torturing of those in The Decider’s prisons throughout the world
8. The safety of our food
9. The safety of our children’s toys
10. Protecting America’s borders
11. Protecting American’s from terrorism BEFORE AND AFTER THEY GET ON A PLANE
12. Protecting America’s coastlines
13. Selling America’s ports to Dubai (where the terrorist money goes through)
14. The Saudis arming and funding the Sunnies who are killing Americans in Iraq
15. Perpetual war to line the pockets of the top 5% of America
16. The voice of Americans
17. Lowering the price of gas/oil by tapping into America’s oil reserves
18. The anthrax attacks after 9/11
19. Real investigation into 9/11
20. Republican sex scandals
21. Finding Osama bin Laden
(add your own here)

Oh, but this is okay! Yep. Georgie is too busy to tackle any of these epidemics, so to make himself feel better and to make himself look like he cares about Americans, he’s going to allow his military to free up more airspace for the vacation aviation epidemic! Oh yes. This could backfire, but that’s okay! Hey, if Americans along with the terrorists want to travel up and down the East coast again like they did prior to 9/11, that’s fine. Georgie’s heart will feel three times as big knowing he helped EVERYONE during this monumental atrocious vacation aviation epidemic of biblical proportions! Yeah, yeah, as The Decider of America, he makes us proud one more time.

*gagging myself with a softball bat*